Turkish Tricycle

Occasionally, while laying in bed, we randomly come up with phrases and try to create definitions for them. Sure, sometimes it’s nonsexual, but most of the time it is.

Saturday’s phrases

Coach: “Turkish tricycle”
Me: “it’s when a chick is laying on her back with her legs in the air, and the guy is sitting on her face, teabagging her. But instead of him going down on her like a real gentleman would at that moment, he’s holding onto her feet and moving his hips from side to side, like he’s pedalling on her face.”
Coach: “…I’m so amazed at that definition, I can’t even laugh. It’s beautiful.”



Scarlet: Reading about Cosmo on ONTD, and just found a comment – “Cosmo is such a joke. Who reads that shit anyway? “101 Ways To Bleach Your Anus So Your Man Won’t Say ‘EWW'”
Scarlet: DYING
Sasha: sigh. i want to bleach my anus.

These are my friends, people.

40lbs Lighter

Sasha: i would love to just be single again
Sasha: no kids
Sasha: no husband
Scarlet: one day, you’re going to call me at like 4am and say
Scarlet: “I’m here. At the airport. Come get me.”
Scarlet: and i’ll be like WHAH
Scarlet: and you’ll have like 4 guys in tow
Scarlet: and you’ll say
Scarlet: “i came to visit you, and i just found them wandering around
Scarlet: can we keep them?”
Sasha: awwwwwwwwww
Sasha: lol
Scarlet: and i’ll be like
Scarlet: uh
Scarlet: well
Scarlet: i have a one bedroom
Sasha: “that’s OK”
Scarlet: and you’ll be like “oh, we’ll only need the bed.”
Sasha: this is true!
Scarlet: and then
Scarlet: like 3 days later
Scarlet: you’ll emerge
Scarlet: 40lbs lighter and skin glistening from days’ worth of cum facial
Sasha: dehydrated
Scarlet: and then i’ll be like
Scarlet: “so what happened”
Scarlet: and you’ll say
Scarlet: “well, i think the second Kid #2 left for college, i killed the husband and then just flew out here.”

D-I-Q is the Proper Spelling


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Sasha: SO
Scarlet: GURL
Scarlet: ….GURL
Scarlet: I SWEAR
Scarlet: DAT DIQ
Scarlet: GURL.
Scarlet: Seriously, it’s the most perfect cock ever. And it curves to the left
Scarlet: and it is AWESOME
Scarlet: and I want to marry it
Scarlet: not him, although him too
Scarlet: but mainly the cock
Scarlet: disclaimer: i am a bit cockblind today, as I had it twice within 5 hours and only slept 1 hr
Scarlet: so i’m sloshy and cockdrunk

Sit Yourself Down Over Here.

So, before we start this blog experiment, let’s get some rules out of the way.

  1. Everything you’ll read is true. Seriously.
  2. This blog might as well be labelled NSFW because I can’t guarantee what I’m posting every day.
  3. I say “shit” a lot. And “fuck”.
  4. I have a LOT of stories. Like, a fucking lot.